The new age Indian Tiger Moms!

It has been a while since I sat down to simply write...from sheer lack of will to bottomless laziness to actually being tied down by different things, the reasons (read excuses) for not writing are plenty...! Strangely enough the words beckoned once more and this time with a whole lot of feeling and here I am writing a blog after two years. The speed with which I type has somewhat lost the frenzy it possessed when I was a journo, suffice to say words dont spring that easily to the still restless mind, they tend to linger on longer than neccessary and then some.....I guess age has caught on! A lot has changed and a lot has remained the same:) Change has been its usual self, announcing itself by (premature) greying, deepening of laugh lines(wrinkles), enhancing the tyres around the waist but hey no regrets, I would done the same thing in the same way if given another chance...!

My first blog I dedicate towards the current new experience in my life, of being a mother....before you log off, this is no treatise on motherhood nor an elegy to motherhood,  even if I am pre-occupied these days with talking gibberish to my 4 month old daughter and changing nappies, the actual interest in the subject stemmed from reading about American born, Chinese mother and author of the controversial book"Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother"  Amy Chua. Chua's book raised quite a few concerns about parenting. In her book, Chua states that "Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away." Many readers of Chua's books believed her manner of parenting harsh and extremely strict, some others bought the idea of 'they do things that way in China'. The book open to interpretations of all kinds is indeed a window into how parenting is viewed by two different cultures...one supposedly ensuring material success later in life for the kid, the other supposedly protecting and building the psyche and esteem in the young one.


Chua's book got me thinking, what is the Indian way of parenting? While most will concede that parenting is open to social and cultural conditioning and remains an extremely personal and individual exercise, I think more than cultural it is plain simple economics that makes 'us' and our way of parenting the way it is. Most Indian mothers including mine emphasised on education, in fact in my case extra-curriculur activities figured only after school studies. The aim was clear and simple- to secure a good education, in order to get a good job. Rote learning was quite the norm and grades and ranks were parameters to judge how intelligent the child was at any point of time. So if a child was a good athelete or was a good singer, it was considered only as a bonus, something that could be added in the 'interests' section in the CV. Of course, we all were as kids subjected to that thing most parents do, "beta,  uncle ko gaana gaake dikhao"  to "she dances really well, show that dance you performed at school day", so it seemed that singing and dancing ability simply was relegated to something that was meant for entertainment and nothing more.The onus and emphasis remained singularly on studies, because it was commonly acknowledged that professional institutions emphasised on securing good grades.

Of course not much has changed now, however there are quite a few 'tiger' moms out there who insist that on having 'well-rounded' kids, so under the guise of having an all-rounder at home, Indian tiger moms send their kids at the tender age of 4 to music classes, dance classes, shloka classes, karate classes, drama lessons...etc. For most of such moms, the idea is to search for that great interest in the child that could showcase talent for a future professional endevour or even pave way to enter kids reality shows. So in some homes, the quest is to search for the creative aspect hidden in the child,  for some others it is simply to boast of a child's achievements.  Whatever happened to simple playtime, no one knows. As a kid, of course homework was important, but I dont remember a day when we didnt have time set aside to play.

Even as I dwell on these different realities that surround me, I realize that as a mother now I soon will be dealing with parenting issues, I only hope I can somehow find a bridge between the western, Chinese and Indian way of parenting and ensure that my daughter grows up quite simply as a happy individual.