Parenting...a two member full time endevour...for both the mother and father...

It has been quite a while since I have been looking around the city for some groups that involve parents and their kids...when I got to know of the 'mother-toddler' sessions, I was intrigued by the concept. When I asked around I was told that such a group is sort of a getting together of mothers and their babies and sort of a support/social group wherein kids can play even as their moms socialize with other moms while keeping an eye out for their babies. Concept wise sounds nice, but why the emphasis only on mothers was what bothered me, why not call them parent groups, shouldn't fathers also have the same opportunity. I wondered if this bias exists because in actuality there are quite a few people who believe that parenting is an endeavor solely for the mother and the father should simply play the role of the provider. Think about it... there is a concept of mothering (means nurturing and raising a child by a mother), nothing called fathering exists, (as far as I know), so you have a working mother, no mention of a working father...because it is universally understood that fathers should be working anyways and/or should be gainfully employed. We have heard of the mother-ship, but none of us know nothing on anything called as a father-ship. Then again paeans have been sung for motherhood, fatherhood is again a non-concept. So the roles are pretty much fixed, not just in idioms and phrases but also in many minds and cultures as well.

Recently I met a friend who is currently going through the harrowing time of getting her son admitted in one of those fancy schools. She recounted the time when the school principal asked her son a few questions, the little boy perhaps scared by the imposing lady, didn't utter a word. Meanwhile the father kept looking at my friend with quizzing eyes, as if asking, "why isnt he talking? Did'nt you teach him ABC...?" Underlying tone was evident, this is your job to teach the boy the basics of English, while I can lounge around and read the newspaper in peace or watch the television...I am trying hard not to make this piece a sexist issue. But in the end isn't the issue, actually one? My friend also works and also contributes towards paying the bills, she also cooks, cleans and keeps her family together like millions of other mothers around. Another colleague had once confessed that her husband often blames her for their child's naughtiness, saying that "because of you she is like this, I come from a cultured family, you are the mother, you should mold her behavior..etc"  The onus of bringing up a child is for the father as much as it is for the mother. I presume that the age when the father paid the bills and the mother brings up the child, is long gone..at least in urban settings. But I maybe wrong, psyche takes time to change, for there are many who believe that simply providing income and material support is the only duty of the father. Being a part of the child's daily play, school and other activities wholly and solely comes under the mothers domain. 


Fixing roles for people may help in creating categories, but in the end all it does is creates boxes, as far as I think, a child is a reflection of both his parents...mother and father, who play equally important roles in making the personality of the child. Mothers and fathers are partners in raising their kids. The idea that a child needs a father as much as a mother is a valid one and the child needs the father just in the cliched terms as a partner to play video games, but as a father who is engaged, nurturing and loving towards every aspect connected to parenting. Somewhere the whole gender grouped roles that many around me still believe in, bothers me, perhaps it maybe because I never had a moment when my father was not around or not involved in raising me or my elder sisters, just as my mother (even when he had to move to another city for work...)..they were always around and always cared..and continue to be the same even today, when I have a child of my own :D Suffice to say parenting is a job for two..the mother and the father.


Disclaimer: The blog piece does not allude to single parents-(either single mothers/ single fathers)