The guilt that never leaves

"If guilt is best described as self-directed anger or frustration at what we did or did not do, it applies most to working women—for, at work it is what you did not do for the kids and at home it is what you did not do for work." These lines from TOI columnist Ameeta Chatterjee aptly describes the quandary that most working mothers face-the guilt of not being there for your kid owing to your professional committments. In the article Chatterjee interviews the head honcho of Axis Bank Shikha Sharma who also confesses to her share of guilt vis a vis her kids and she admits that she has managed the work-life tightrope for the last 3 decades. This is one such guilt that refuses to budge and I can almost see my friends, my sisters and co-workers (also working mothers) nod vigorously. At SEGUE SESSIONS, Bangalore 2012, a seminar for second career women, I managed to have a small chat with Shoma Bakre, the co-founder and managing partner at EmPower Research, a very impressive lady to say the least, I asked her if she has managed to overcome her guilt of not being there for her kids. She admitted quite simply that 'the guilt never leaves; you just learn to ignore it'.

So even as I take short steps towards getting back to work, by managing a work from home endeavor, I admit even then I have my small instances of guilt seeping in. The hours that I spend away from my baby girl, (where I am cloistered in a room finishing off an edit) gnaws away in my conscience. Am I neglecting her? Will she be ok with her father? The guilt kind of recedes a wee bit when I see her laughing away once I am back with her. My eyes tell me that 'she looks ok; she didn’t miss even a lil bit'. My heart tells me 'how can anything be more important than this darling'. My brain tells me, 'It is ok; she will value your presence even more now.' The argument that a happy mother stands a better chance than a loving mother simply does precious little to stem the guilt. There may be quite a few who will let go of their professional ambitions and opt for spending quality time with their kids. But most working mothers will swear that if given a chance they would love to explore their professional sides along with managing their kids that is if they can help it. And trust you me, it is never too easy. Hard choices have to be made and are made daily by scores of working mothers across the world. Sometimes work takes precedence sometimes kids!

My mom has worked all her life, taking care of 3 rambunctious and stubborn daughters and also managing her professional life quietly. When I ask her about the guilt she simply says, 'well you don’t think about it, you know you had to do what you had to...and look at you three. I don’t think I made the wrong choice'. I smile even as she says this, because I notice that she has not mentioned the absence of 'guilt' coz like Shoma says, the guilt never leaves! Sigh...a mother's work is never done!:)

P.S: I write my blogs with a fervent flourish, often without checking for grammatical or spelling errors, because I have to finish writing them when my little one is taking one of her power naps...some may wonder why do I bother writing...well because I want to...just like the other mothers who want to work and also be a mother! :)